Monthly Archives: April 2013

Good heavens

According to the US Army, as a Catholic I’m an extremist. Lumped right in with Hamas and Al Qaeda.

What’s most ridiculous is they’re basing this info on a report from the Southern Poverty Law Center. If you want to talk about extremists, they’re one of the most racist organizations I’ve ever heard of.

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Coffee: sweet nectar of the Gods

I found myself singing to my coffee maker this morning. True story.

I got a tattoo a few years back, which I love. It took 3 hours to do. I was fine for the first 2.5 hours, but in that last half hour I really started to get irritated and I think I might have threatened the lovely tattoo arteest. And that’s about what happened during this fast. Day 1 and day 2 went by with a few pangs, but overall doable. By midday on day 3, I was downright angry. Last night as I drank the last bottle of the green stuff, I was making faces and probably audible sounds. Friends posting pictures of their delicious dinners to facebook and twitter only made things worse.

Last night I believe I got into some serious dehydration. I wasn’t expecting it, because on days 1 and 2 I had a hard time drinking more water since I was already drinking 100oz of “meals” each day. Yesterday afternoon I kept getting chills and it wasn’t cold out. I also wasn’t feeling very good, so I took a nice, hot bath and broke a good sweat (I’ve got a jetted tub). Then after the bath I couldn’t drink enough water. This was after I finished all the juices for the day. I think I drank another 60oz of water before bed.

So now we know that my discipline only goes so far, which is probably why I’m a jack of all trades and master of nothing. I’m really good at learning anything and then once I figure it out, I move onto something else. Truly the story of my life.

However I am going to make some major lifestyle changes. Interestingly, I thought the changes would be to my fitness routine but instead, it will be dietary. I’ve long been a person who pays attention to ingredient labels—the shorter they are, the better. And with words I can understand. But I’ve slacked and now I intend to pick that diligence back up. It’s only pure laziness and giving into my cravings that lead me astray.

A few take-aways: it would be nice if the juice people figured out how to incorporate a broth into the regimen. Some of us like warm food at least once a day, particularly at dinner. I might have gotten a little more excited to eat some sort of soup instead of the cold stuff all day long. I realize super-heating food kills the good stuff, but I think we could be trusted to control the heat. Also, they should emphasize workouts more. I think it’s important during a detox to work up a good sweat. Of course, then you need to drink a thousand more gallons of water. Which is easy to do when you’re working out.

I’ve lost 5 pounds, but I’m guessing this is water weight. My bloated belly has gone back to normal, and it’s glorious. I’ll try and be diligent with this blog as it’ll keep me honest and see if I can’t keep up the “new” cleaner lifestyle.

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Ok, I’m over it.

I’ve been good.. But if I don’t get some real, tasty, solid, warm food soon, I’m gonna lose my mind.


That is all.

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This is it!

I have to admit, I’ve gotten used to this regimen. It’s almost satisfying on some weird level that I was able to restrain myself enough for 2 days and completely stick to the menu. Meaning, I haven’t had one snack nor a cup of black coffee—and, although it was tempting—I didn’t even chew something tasty and then spit it out. And believe me, I contemplated it.

It’s not that the juices aren’t tasty. Even my least favorite is something that I would definitely drink on purpose if I wanted a shot of vegetables. But I really, truly miss eating food. It’s all in the taste, not about being sated. Some people are addicted to drugs or alcohol, I truly love food. And I know it’s a real love because my sister is the opposite and I’ve never understood it.

One odd urge I’ve had through this whole thing, is the want to smoke. I’m a former cigarette smoker and I do love it so, but don’t do it for obvious reasons. I never think about smoking, but during this cleanse when I couldn’t eat, I wished I could step outside and puff on a smoke. So I think the lesson here is that I’ve got some oral thing going on. That’s all we need to say about that.

So day 3 and my weight has gone down 4 pounds, I weighed in at 125. I’m guessing this is water weight, but my tummy sure feels better. Not all bloated and pudgy feeling. In fact I’ve lost an inch off my waist. Again, not sure how long that’ll last. Obviously it’s up to me to work at it but once I eat solid food, am I going to blow up like a Macy’s balloon? Only time will tell.

I do miss coffee, but I think I’m going to keep the lemon water routine. So every morning while my coffee is brewing, I’ll drink a full glass of room temp water with a half lemon in it. The BluePrintCleanse folks recommended it, and then yesterday I read this post. So why the heck not? Seems like nothing but good can come from it.

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1/3 of the way there

Probably a little more than that, but I can only go so far with fractions.

So I made it through day 1 on the BluePrintCleanse (I chose a 3-day fast). Here are my take-aways: the juices taste WAY better than I expected. This is tough for me because I’m not a juice person. The only juice I like is fresh-squeezed orange juice, specifically from the local grove. Seriously, it’s the best stuff I’ve ever had and it’s like ambrosia. But juices from a store are sickeningly sweet to me, I assume because of added sweeteners. These cold-press juices taste more like what nature intended, but they figured out what combo/mixture balances each one perfectly. Although as with any juice, I can’t wait to brush my teeth afterward. It always feels like every sugar is clinging to my enamel.

My least favorite, however, is the one that I have to consume 3 of the 6 times. I suppose because it does the, ahem, excavation. It’s the veggie juice made of cucumbers and other stuff that I can’t name because all I taste is cucumbers. Which is probably why it’s not my favorite, I’m not a huge cucumber fan.

The pineapple juice is delightful, the lemonade-type is too (although I think it would be way better with vodka) and I really enjoyed the cashew milk. How do you milk a cashew anyway? Well it was tasty with hints of vanilla and cinnamon. I’d like to try it in coffee. Ya know, when I can have coffee again. BTW I’m pretty sure I had one of those coffee withdrawal headaches yesterday. Felt like a vice grip around my head. Seems better this morning.

The hunger would arrive but usually in time for the next juice. So no true hunger pangs. BUT.. I miss food. I have been blessed with a palate that truly appreciates food and all the tastes that come with it. I miss tasting food. Every ad I read in a magazine that had any image of food, or tv commercial, was making me long for it.

The other thing I’ll note is the amount of liquid you take in. I typically drink water all day long, but I don’t think I consume 100oz in a day. The BluePrint folks recommend you drink water in between all the juices. By the time I finish a juice, my belly is full of liquid and the last thing I want is water. I didn’t do well with that task yesterday, I’ll try and improve today. And how do I say this delicately.. I assumed my urine would be all kinds of crazy colors considering the stuff I was putting in my body. It was nearly clear all day long, as if I were only consuming water.

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Whoa .. bigger than I thought they’d be

That’s what she said..

IMG_0913 IMG_0915

I don’t know why I thought the bottles were smaller. I guess on the BluePrintCleanse website they just look small. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking. Each bottle is 16oz, I am to drink 6 per day. You can see the bottle in my hand for size perspective.

I wasn’t sure at what time FedEx would arrive so after my green tea this morning, I had a cup of yogurt and some blackberries. I was supposed to just have fruit. What the hell, I’m a risk taker.

I just downed bottle #1. Not as bad as I feared it would taste. Very celery-cucumbery.

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Usually I’m awaiting some strong french roast coffee.. now I await my tea kettle’s whistle for some green tea. Mm mm.

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My last supper (breakfast)

Actually, I will mourn the coffee segment of my breakfast. I drink strong coffee, dark roast with just a little bit of soy creamer. It’s like espresso wannabe. But I only have two cups so maybe the withdrawals won’t be so bad. What I am allowed to drink is green tea (which has caffeine) and herbal teas which typically don’t. Oy.

Yesterday I started the ramp-down of “regular” food and ate like a hippie. Yogurt, nuts, salad with olive oil and vinegar, grapes, carrots and choked down some guacamole (I don’t care for the stuff but hear avocados are good for you). Great meal plan if you don’t like cooking, which I don’t. But oh-so boring.

Measurements taken, I’ll eat fruits and veggies again today and then the juices arrive tomorrow.

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Prepping for a cleanse

Hoo boy. I’m not sure what I’m about to get myself into, but I’ve decided to try a 3-day cleanse. Let’s just say that since turning 40, my gastrointestinal journey isn’t always good times. And to be clear, I eat well. Sure I occasionally indulge, but every day I eat fruit, veggies, yogurt, nuts and whatever other rabbit food is encouraged. Plus I workout; aerobically 2-3 days a week plus pilates on alternate days. I don’t ever drink soda, I drink enough water every day to flood a small village and I only drink alcohol socially, maybe 2x a week.

When things weren’t working as well as I’d like them to, I thought it might be a gluten intolerance. Not just to be on the gluten-free bandwagon, but because of genetics. On my father’s side there’s Crohn’s disease, on my mother’s is celiac’s and lactose intolerance. It would seem the universe only wants me to eat grass. So the gluten-free lifestyle is easy enough once you figure it out and adjust, but my system still isn’t acting the way a normal, healthy person’s should. At least by my definition.

So later this week I’ll receive my 3-day regimen of the BluePrintCleanse. It’s basically fasting in which you drink six smallish bottles of pressed juices and veggies during a 3-day food fast. There are a few things that worry me: first that they recommend you start and finish with an enema. Also, no coffee.

Plus before you start the cleanse, you somewhat ramp-down your diet in the days before. So today I went to the grocery store and got all kinds of leafy foods and fruit that apparently I’ll live on for the next few days. I also bought herbal and green tea.. at least the green tea has some caffeine so I’ll hopefully avoid complete coffee withdrawals. And I bought more toilet paper.

What I hope to do after the cleanse is slowly introduce pure foods back into my system and try and figure out what I can (and cannot) tolerate. I also plan on using this as a catalyst to kick-start a new workout program since I’m getting a little bored. So I’ll take measurements and record my weight as of today.

If you’re interested in how this goes, follow along!

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